I just got this from a Buddy, another retired TWA Capt.
Fw: Still miss flying the line ?
This was written by an American Airline B-777 check captain; I think our very own TWA’s Van Wormer from the front office! Great guy!
This is scary to think of the idiots the governments have hired to screen at the airports. They should have gone to Tel Aviv and hired a batch of well trained Israel pros.
At the MOMENT, you can't carry a newspaper on board. The requirements change
every 24 hours!! We have TWO MONTHS for the "decision makers" to calm down.
I think the only restrictions that might remain will involve carrying
liquids onto the airplane......
Keeping in mind we were IN London when this all unfolded:
Coming back Friday, over the ocean on 123.45, a United fellow was telling us
that that morning at LHR, they came to the cockpit with large plastic bags,
to be used to empty their kit bags (!) so the kit bags could be checked!!
They had already taken their other bags. Yet we were sitting there in our
cockpit with our suitcases (minus some toiletries), kit bags and computer
bags! The restrictions used depended on where you were in the flow of
things, and to whom you were talking!!
There were 4 "checkers" IN THE BOARDING LOUNGE at LGW (this is after
clearing all the "normal" security hurdles). The crew was directed into line
with the passengers. The fellow made quite a show of seizing my shaving
cream, 1/4 tube of toothpaste and a very small tube of Vaseline that had
been banging around in my Dopp kit for AT LEAST ten years (and looked it).
With what bordered on a sneer, he tossed same into a nearby trash can, with
a flourish. No offer to check same, which actually was an option.
He then attacked my kit bag, and emerged with my digital camera. "Don't
need THIS to fly the airplane!" he announced triumphantly.
"What shall we do?" I inquired innocently, in an effort to annoy him.
"You can check it in your bag," he informed me.
"I'm not checking my soft-sided bag, with no locks," I informed HIM.
At this point, the AA Departure Coordinator leaned in (he was very anxious
to get the Captain on the airplane, as it was nearly departure time), and
offered a small cardboard box, to be used in checking the camera. I
deposited the camera (in case), and observed that, "Since the box is still
mostly empty, I guess I could check my contraband toiletries, eh?"
The bureaucratic misfit (BM) nodded glumly, and so I requested that he
return same! He had to rummage in the trash can to retrieve them, which he
did (remember, it was HIS choice to put them there in the first place!). I
added these items to the box, and awaited sealing tape and a bag tag.
Realizing that the BM had turned to harass the next victim, I reached into
the box, retrieved my camera and returned it to my kit bag! I then sealed
the box with my used toiletries, surrendered it upon receipt of a bag tag,
and boarded the jet AT departure time.
It took BM and his peers another 30 minutes to properly harass the
remaining passengers, and we pushed back, only to be sent to a remote
parking area to wait an hour for "security clearance to cross the ocean."
Huh? Well, that turned out to be US Customs poring over our passenger list.
Um, haven't they been doing that since shortly after 9/11?? That's what we
THOUGHT. Oh, well, we get paid by the minute......
Upon arrival at DFW, we were herded down to the customs area, no longer able
to duck out our monitored "crew door" in to the terminal. In the customs
area, it was announced that it would be two more hours before our checked
baggage would appear, as it all had to be x-rayed AFTER it was unloaded
(were we afraid someone would take a bomb home?). Well, with that news, I
departed the fix. Eventually, I am sure, a plain cardboard box appeared on
the baggage carousel, with 3 toiletry items rattling around inside.
Hopefully some customs hotshot delighted in blowing up the suspicious
package at the end of the day.......
Five minutes after de-escalating (well, if we "de-plane" by getting off the
airplane, it's only fair that we "de-escalate" by stepping off the escalator
from customs), I was in my car - we park up front for free, now - whereupon
I immediately called in sick for my London trip the next day (yesterday). I
may just call in "career," as I will give up 2 years' worth of sick time on
1 Feb.......
Had I taken the trip - DFW, LGW, RDU, LGW, DFW - my toiletries would have
been confiscated TWICE (LGW x 2); I could not take my laptop without
checking it (!); I could ONLY take my kitbag to the airplane, the kitbag
which is loaded down with full domestic pubs, full European pubs, Operating
Manual, Part I, flashlight and all the other assorted crap I carry as a
Check Airman; I would have had to wait for the checked baggage before going
to the hotel; and upon return to DFW, after hauling my 40 lb kitbag 1/2 mile
to immigrations, I would have to wait 2 hours to get what was left of my
suitcase before I could go home!! THEN I would have to go to the
Chiropractor.......
Nope, think I'd rather take the rest of the month off - except for my LAST
recurrent training - and bid Japan next month.
Willard D. Van Wormer
24985 159th Street
Leavenworth, Kansas 66048
913-727-6072
Cell 638-8891
Still miss flying the line?
Gentlemen,
I tried to contact Willard, the author of the above post, before I posted this, but was unable.
I spoke to him a few minutes ago to verify, and I'm glad I did - The whole thing is a LIE!
Willard NEVER wrote it, nor did he ever have such an experience.
When I called him, I identified myself as Ed Toner, and I was greeted with "Hi there Ed, how are you?". It turns out we had flown together quite a bit.
He is also retired now.
I tried to contact Willard, the author of the above post, before I posted this, but was unable.
I spoke to him a few minutes ago to verify, and I'm glad I did - The whole thing is a LIE!
Willard NEVER wrote it, nor did he ever have such an experience.
When I called him, I identified myself as Ed Toner, and I was greeted with "Hi there Ed, how are you?". It turns out we had flown together quite a bit.
He is also retired now.