A.T.C. Exchanges

OO-SBZ · Post by **OO-SBZ** » 23 Mar 2004, 23:13

The controller was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"

PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first". The tower promptly cleared PSA for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.

Western Airlines had a term for its second officers. The term was "GIB," which stood for, "Guy In Back." The term was strictly unofficial and was actually frowned upon by the management at Western. It seems that some wise-guy pilot had been browsing through a dictionary and had made the discovery that a "gib" is a castrated tomcat.

It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City. KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles." Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him." KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl): "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."

Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f***ing bored!". Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!" Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7." Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."

O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ...I've got that Fokker in sight.

Lame · Post by **Lame** » 24 Mar 2004, 02:53

I see you have found the site that I was getting the jokes from.

left_seat · Post by **left_seat** » 24 Mar 2004, 10:02

I think we all get them from the same website, hehe, they certainly have a fine selection!
There was also another one I liked involving deer wake turbulence too, let me try to find it for you...

Post by **sn26567** » 24 Mar 2004, 10:14

Welcom to Luchtzak, left_seat. Would you be a pilot?

left_seat · Post by **left_seat** » 24 Mar 2004, 10:20

there we are :

This CFI and his Student are holding on the runway for departing cross traffic when suddenly a deer runs out of the nearby woods, stops in the middle of the runway, and just stands there looking at them.
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe if I taxi toward him it'll scare him away."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
(Taxis toward deer, but deer is macho, and holds position.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for take-off, runway NN.
Std: "What should I do? What should I do?"
Inst: "What do you think you should do?"
(think-think-think)
Std: "Maybe I should tell the tower."
Inst: "That's a good idea."
Std: "Cessna XXX, uh, there's a deer down here on the runway."
(long pause)
Tower: Roger XXX, hold your position. Deer on runawy NN cleared for immediate departure.
(Two seconds, and then--I presume by coincidence--the deer bolts from the runway, and runs back into the woods.)
Tower: Cessna XXX cleared for departure, runway NN. Caution wake turbulence, departing deer.

and then this is an all-time favorite:

Lady Radar Controller: "Can I turn you on at 7 miles?" Airline Captain: "Madam, you can try."

many happy landings,
best regards,

left_seat

left_seat · Post by **left_seat** » 24 Mar 2004, 10:33

Hi André!

lol, my heaven is a sunset sitting over the gloom at 2000 feet (or higher but the closer to the clouds the better)and I am physically unable to prevent my eyes from turning towards the sky as soon as the slightest familiar sound makes itself heard... yes you're right.

Thanks for the welcome. I've quickly gone round luchtzak and it is really great!
Many happy landings,

Left_seat

Lame · Post by **Lame** » 24 Mar 2004, 10:40

I think this is one of the best ATC jokes I have ever read.

Tower: "Aircraft on final, go around, there's an aircraft on the runway!"

Pilot Trainee: "Roger" (pilot continues approach)

Tower: "Aircraft, I said GO AROUND!!!"!

Pilot Trainee: "Roger"

The trainee doesn't react, lands the aircraft on the numbers, rolls to a twin standing in the middle of the runway, goes around the twin and continues to the taxiway.

L-1011 · Post by **L-1011** » 24 Mar 2004, 14:49

Thanks for sharing these nice jokes with us.
I really enjoyed them all, especially the Fokker one.

Welcome to luchtzak left_seat

I hope you'll have a nice flight with us (although you're not on the flight deck here

).

ciao,
TriStar

Avro · Post by **Avro** » 24 Mar 2004, 19:49

Those are all very funny

Thanks to all of you for posting them.

And of course a big welcome to left_seat 8)

Greetz
Chris