A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband No.1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it's going to be," she said.
"Husband No. 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
"Husband No. 3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband No. 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband No. 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
"Husband No. 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband No. 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband No. 8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
"Husband No. 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband No. 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was.. .....God I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm so excited!" said the bride.
"Good," said the husband, "but, why?"
"You're a Tax Man...... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get sc***ed!"
Bad humour of the day: 10 husbands but still a virgin...
A few more jokes:
A blonde said " I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid.
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Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion ".
Joe. "Really."
Moe> " Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
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The new spirit called "entendre'" is becoming increasingly popular. Ask the barman for a double and he will doubtless give you one.
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A VIP was being shown round an Edinburgh hospital. Towards the end of his visit he was shown to a ward of patients with no obvious signs of injury.
Greeting the patient in the first bed the chap replies:
“Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face. Great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race.”
Being somewhat confused the VIP grins and moves on to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies:
“Some hae meat, and canna eat. And some wad eat that want it. But we hae meat, and we can eat. Sae the Lord be thankit.”
The next patient starts rattling off as follows:
“Wee sleek it, cow’ in, timorous wee beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle!”
The VIP turned to the doctor accompanying him and asks “Is this the psychiatric ward”
“No,” replies the doctor, “It’s the serious Burns unit.”
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Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion ".
Joe. "Really."
Moe> " Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The new spirit called "entendre'" is becoming increasingly popular. Ask the barman for a double and he will doubtless give you one.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A VIP was being shown round an Edinburgh hospital. Towards the end of his visit he was shown to a ward of patients with no obvious signs of injury.
Greeting the patient in the first bed the chap replies:
“Fair fa’ your honest sonsie face. Great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race.”
Being somewhat confused the VIP grins and moves on to the next patient and greets him. The patient replies:
“Some hae meat, and canna eat. And some wad eat that want it. But we hae meat, and we can eat. Sae the Lord be thankit.”
The next patient starts rattling off as follows:
“Wee sleek it, cow’ in, timorous wee beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi bickering brattle!”
The VIP turned to the doctor accompanying him and asks “Is this the psychiatric ward”
“No,” replies the doctor, “It’s the serious Burns unit.”