Aviation jokes & pictures

A forum to discuss all aviation items (not for latest aviation news and military aviation news)

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quixoticguide
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Aviation jokes & pictures

Post by quixoticguide » 15 Mar 2017, 13:05

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Stij
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Stij » 15 Mar 2017, 13:13

How do you know someone is a pilot?

...

Don't worry, (s)he'll tell you!
See where I've flown at OpenFlights!

Stij
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Stij » 15 Mar 2017, 13:14

How does a pilot commit suicide?

...

(S)He climb on his / her ego and jumps off!
See where I've flown at OpenFlights!

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lumumba
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by lumumba » 15 Mar 2017, 14:22

welcome to this Lufthansa flight can you please close your seatbelts

...

And I only want to hear one CLIC....!!!
Hasta la victoria siempre.

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 16 Mar 2017, 11:16

An A380 pilot was bragging to a Boeing 747 pilot about how great his aircraft was and how wonderfully it flew. The Boeing pilot turned to the Airbus pilot with a smirk and said, "Well, at least my plane doesn't call me a retard every time I attempt to land it."
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 16 Mar 2017, 11:18

A US airline's crew overheard the following ATC exchange at MUC.

LH pilot (in German): "Ground, what's our start clearance time?"

MUC ground (in English): "If you want an answer, you must speak in English."

LH pilot (in English): "I am a German pilot flying for a German airline in Germany! Why must I speak English?"

Unknown British person in a nearly aircraft (in English): "Because you lost the bloody war."
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 16 Mar 2017, 11:18

It's 1952 and A BOAC flight has landed at MUC and it's obvious that they're a bit lost. Tower has had to redirect them two or three times.

Tower (in thick German accent): BOAC, have you ever been to Munich before?
BOAC: Many times, but we never landed.
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 16 Mar 2017, 11:52

What separates flight attendants from the lowest form of life on earth?

The cockpit door.
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 16 Mar 2017, 11:55

What does ETOPS stand for ?

Engines Turning Or Passengers Swimming.
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KristofColumbus
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by KristofColumbus » 16 Mar 2017, 17:33

there was a joke about problem/maintenance reports, a little person with a hammer, maybe someone remembers.

Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Homo Aeroportus » 20 Mar 2017, 19:02

quixoticguide wrote:
15 Mar 2017, 13:05
Post your Aviation jokes here! :D :D :D
Great idea !

A joke a day keeps the doctor away !
:D

H.A.

Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Homo Aeroportus » 20 Mar 2017, 19:15

KristofColumbus wrote:
16 Mar 2017, 17:33
there was a joke about problem/maintenance reports, a little person with a hammer, maybe someone remembers.
Some like these you mean :
Entries into the logbook by the pilot and "fixes" by Mx.

Pilot : Something loose in the cockpit.
Mx : Something tightened in the cockpit.

Pilot : LH inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Mx : LH inside main tire almost replaced.

Pilot : Evidence of leak on landing gear.
Mx : Evidence removed.

Pilot : Dead bugs on windshield.
Mx : Fresh bugs ordered.

Pilot : DME volume unbelievably loud.
Mx : DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot : Mouse in cockpit !
Mx : Cat on training.

Pilot : Aircraft behaves funny.
Mx : A/C told to fly straight and be serious.

....

Disclaimer :
1) all aviation jokes are REAL of course.
2) all above can be found in countless aviation forums.

H.A.

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by quixoticguide » 23 Mar 2017, 08:40

Image
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Stij
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Stij » 23 Mar 2017, 09:11

There're many more, but these are to me the best...

BOAC Better On A Camel
TWA Try Walking *ssh*l*
TWA Terrorist World Airlines
Aer Lingus Air Fungus
AAL American is Always Late
ALITALIA Always Late In Take-Off, Always Late In Arrival
ALITALIA Aircraft Lands In Torino, All Luggage In Amsterdam
ALITALIA A Little Italian Tradition, A Lot of Italian Attitude
BA Bloody Awful
PIA Please Inform Allah
SABENA Such A Bad Experience Never Again
SAS Same as Sabena
Olympic Onassis Likes Your Money Paid In Cash
Zambian Scairways
TAP Take A Parachute
THY They Hate You
DHL Damaged, Hidden or Lost
See where I've flown at OpenFlights!

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galaxy
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by galaxy » 23 Mar 2017, 14:03

Stij wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 09:11

THY They Hate You
I hope it's a joke :roll:

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lumumba
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by lumumba » 23 Mar 2017, 14:28

galaxy wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 14:03
Stij wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 09:11

THY They Hate You
I hope it's a joke :roll:
Why would it be a joke with all the others but not THY?!?!
Hasta la victoria siempre.

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sn26567
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by sn26567 » 23 Mar 2017, 15:28

Stij wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 09:11
SAS Same as Sabena
TAP Take A Parachute
Alternative facts ;)

SAS Sex and Satisfaction
TAP Take another plane

and then

LUFTHANSA Let us f*ck the hostess, are no stewards available...
André
ex Sabena #26567

Stij
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Stij » 23 Mar 2017, 16:46

sn26567 wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 15:28
SAS Sex and Satisfaction
Really? Good! I just booked them 6 times!

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=58558&p=348776#p348776

;-)

Stij
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galaxy
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by galaxy » 23 Mar 2017, 17:29

lumumba wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 14:28
galaxy wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 14:03
Stij wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 09:11

THY They Hate You
I hope it's a joke :roll:
Why would it be a joke with all the others but not THY?!?!
You may guess !

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lumumba
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by lumumba » 23 Mar 2017, 17:43

galaxy wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 17:29
lumumba wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 14:28
galaxy wrote:
23 Mar 2017, 14:03


I hope it's a joke :roll:
Why would it be a joke with all the others but not THY?!?!
You may guess !
?????
Hasta la victoria siempre.

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