Aviation jokes & pictures

A forum to discuss all aviation items (not for latest aviation news and military aviation news)

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

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Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Homo Aeroportus »

Thanks for the reminder.

GND : ABC123, caution previous reported a dead dog on Bravo right side. Bear left.
ABC123 : Roger. Seen the dog. Still looking for the bear.


:lol:


H.A.

Stij
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Stij »

DELTA Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

Magiktrix
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Magiktrix »

How do you become a millionaire ?
First you have to be a billionaire.
Then you decide to open an airline.

Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes

Post by Homo Aeroportus »

A USAF Surgical Striker is on approach to an RAF field.

ATC : FastBoy12 descend 2000 feet, QNH 1013.
FastBoy : Err, would you give that in inches please?
ATC : FastBoy12, descend to 24 000 inches, QNH 1013.
;)

Why not enlarging the subject to illustrations as well?
A pic I took a few years ago when working at LIRU, Roma Urbe (MIL and VIP strip, often used by a Cavaliere for his Bunga-Bunga deployments).
LIRU 20100518 016.JPG
Well, that is a clear statement !

H.A.

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes

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Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base
"Requesting Radar".

"What is you position?" asked ATC

"You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied.

After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One we're changing frequency"

"What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One

"You've got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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Murphy's Laws for Frequent Flyers..
1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.

2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.

3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.

4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.

5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.

6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.

7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.

8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.

9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.

10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
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Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

Post by Homo Aeroportus »

A female ATCO trainee is doing TWR.
There is a Cessna on final with a jet as N°2, closing in fast.
The Cessna pilot wants to land as long as possible since he is going to an apron at the far end of the RWY and asks :
- "Requesting landing deep".
The female ATCO is not familiar with the "Expedite" phraseology and offers :
- "OK, make it deep but get off quickly".

:oops:

H.A.

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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A welcome to a new co-pilot from an old captain:
Son, your wife's legs have more time in the air than you do.
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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LH741: "Tower, give me a rough time-check!"
Tower: "It's Tuesday, Sir."
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and170 knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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Breaking News! @united airlines will be renamed--will now be called UN-TIED and wont hog-tie passengers who have valid boarding pass
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

Post by quixoticguide »

Things that will get you kicked off an United Airlines flight:

1)Wearing leggings
2)Having an United Airlines ticket
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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

Post by quixoticguide »

:D :D
17862306_1396086827081225_4139049501658940769_n.jpg
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Homo Aeroportus
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

Post by Homo Aeroportus »

Approach : ABC123 cleared to FL080, can you give me a good rate?
ABC123: Sir, we're already at 2000 fpm.
APP : can you give me 3000?
ABC123 : Unable.
APP : Oh I see, you don't have speed brakes?
ABC123 : Yes sir we have but that's to correct MY mistakes, not yours !
:lol:

Change this to : a have a deadheading crew here, can you "re-accommodate" 4 passengers?
and it is not a joke anymore :mrgreen:

H.A.

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quixoticguide
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Re: Aviation jokes & pictures

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